By Josie Whitehead www.whiteheadm.co.uk
Well, good morning everybody. It’s so good to see you here.
Now I hope any fears of parenting will quickly disappear.
It’s quite a simple little subject – so you mustn’t worry now –
For my main aim, quite naturally, is just to teach you how.
Now, right from the beginning you must let them know who’s boss.
They soon will get the message – just make sure it gets across.
Don’t ask them any questions – you’re courting trouble there -
But do all this with love, of course. Show them that you care.
Please don’t excuse their rudeness – just pretend you didn’t hear -
For there's nothing worse to children than a parent with deaf ears.
With my parenting instructions, you'll be superior to the rest,
With contented kids, a happy home, and a life devoid of stress.
Keep your children healthy – give them lots of good fresh fruit.
Make them walk to school each day by the very longest route.
You should turn off the electricity at 8 o’clock each night –
“An early night will do us good – in the morning we'll feel bright.”
Instead of children’s programmes, let them only hear the news,
But if they find the news disturbing, they could learn to change a fuse.
Teach them the useful skills of life – how to paint and decorate;
These things are more important than just learning how to skate.
Keep them short of money – they should earn what they are given.
Perhaps at first they’ll hate you, then I’m sure you’ll be forgiven.
They’ll learn you’re not a cash machine to meet their every whim,
With a bank account so full of cash, it’s flowing to the brim.
Please don’t try to understand them, and "reasoning" is out.
Show them your authority – that’s what parenting’s about.
Understanding you is more important – I hope this point is clear.
Perhaps you were not sure of this, and that is why you’re here.
I was booked to run a five week course, but I think that now I'm through –
For from the best of my experience I’d say there’s nothing new.
Parenting’s an ancient art and well practised through the years.
Now get back home and practise it for you’ve nothing much to fear!
Copyright 2007